


Survivalism

by Pluppelina



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sex Talk, drabble lenght
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pluppelina/pseuds/Pluppelina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they fuck, it's not really about sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivalism

When they fuck, it's not about pleasure. It's not about sex, and it sure as hell isn't about love. It's about emotions, of course, but not that kind of emotion. More than anything, it's about the fact that enough time in an active war zone to grant you the title Colonel turns you into a survival machine on so many levels, unable to do more than strive towards a goal at any cost. To Sebastian, sex isn't any different than that. To Sebastian, an orgasm is just another end he needs to successfully reach, just another task he needs to perfect no matter how difficult and painful the way there is - and it has to be difficult and painful, or it won't feel like he's done it right. After months and months of Afghan sand and friendly fire, nothing feels like it's been done right if someone doesn't end up hurt.

Jim's war is of a different, more permanent kind, and he's always losing it. It's so hard to stay alive when nothing he does is ever difficult, when not even breaking the system is hard. It's impossible to bear existence when existence has to bear you, when you're so much bigger than everything around you. Everyone talks so big but they're all so little and so painfully easy to control, so easy to bend to his will, so despicably predictable. It isn't a surprise to Jim when people complain that god has abandoned them - what else do they expect, when they insist on being so boring? There's so much wasted potential in the world that it hurts, so many brains almost identical to his that just can't think, so many other spiders with webs who don't even have enough common sense to pull the strings. It's wearing him down, fighting a war against a world that doesn't deserve it,that does nothing but roll over to show him its soft parts over and over and over. It's so boring that it hurts, and when he hurts, he wants someone else to hurt as well. When all he can do not to perish on the spot is to fight himself, it feels good to make someone else collateral damage.

So they fuck, and they fight, and no matter how hard they tear at each other, no matter how dependant they are on each other, it's never about anyone other than themselves.


End file.
